This is so depressing! It's in the 7th inning, and we're down by 7! I can't even imagine the Red Sox winning, this can't be happening!
Today was a really bad day. We had a pre-calculus test, and it made me cry. I hate the class, the teacher, and everything about it. I don't know what to do about it.
I'm in a really bad mood today. I got home and slept for several hours, woke up and ate dinner, and now I'm barely awake to watch the game. Maybe I just need some more sleep.
The good news is that our marching band competition is on Saturday night. I'm worried that I won't be ready. I wanted to practice tonight, but I can't. Even though we aren't as prepared as we could be, I'm sure we'll do fine.
The last few times I've tried to send e-mail to Alain, its not letting me. I get this error notification in french, and I don't know what it means. So, Alain, if you read this, send me an e-mail! Bisous.

"Four baseball fans, each from a Major League city, are climbing a mountain. On the way to the top, each is arguing about how loyal they are to their team and what they would do for their team. As the climb progresses, the odds increase. Upon reaching the top, the Mets fan shouts, "this is for the Mets," and hurls himself off the top. Next, the Braves fan yells, "I love Atlanta," and throws himself off of the mountain. Suddenly the Yankee fan yells, "this is for EVERYONE," and pushes the Red Sox fan off. "

Today has been so long, I never thought it would end! Actually, I should start with last night! We had our Berkshire concert last night, and the choir did really well, but I kind of wish I had been in the band instead. Mostly because Mr.Therreault, the band director, used to be my mother's band director in high school! I thought that would have been really funny.
This morning I got up at 7 something and went to the PSAT test. Three hours of math and english...what hell. After that there was a short band rehearsal, then the game. We lost, of course, but we scored 4 touch downs. The field show was nice, though it could have been better. We have a lot of work to do for next weekend's competition, but I have faith in the band.
After I got home from the game, I took a quick nap, then got up to get ready for the dance. I looked really good, I must say. My hair, make-up, and dress all looked fabulous. I don't usually praise myself that often, but I think I can tonight. I got so many complements tonight! Kurt and I danced the night away, but left at just 10:30. We were both really tired. I will be in bed soon, but I'm watching the game. Yankees are still winning, 17 to 8.
Some good news; I weighted myself this morning, and I've dropped 10 pounds! I'm so happy, even though it's pobably all water weight. I'm just hoping to drop as much as I can before the Italy trip.
So, I'm off. Bonne nuit.

Today was hell! We went all over Torrington looking for a dress for Homecoming. I couldn't find a dress anywhere! We finally went to Fashion Bug, and I got a dress there. I don't even like the dress, but it was the only one I could find, so we bought it. We finally got home at around 7. I can't believe it took that long. In the process, I lost my beautiful scarf! I loved that scarf, I wonder if I can find another one like it. So sad..
I need to get to bed. Today has made me rather sad. I hate myslf more and more. I wish I didn't. Maybe things will get better.

The last few days have been a lot better. My worries from before are gone again, and my friends are there for me more than ever. Yesterday I had marching band rehearsal from 9-2, and then Lindsey and I went to the mall with her aunt and grandma. She got her homecoming dress. I love it, it looks so nice on her! I couldn't find one for me, I think I'll go to a thrift store or something. I bought a shirt at Old Navy that has a girl drawn on it, looking very sad at a driver's wheel and it says "I can't drive" for $10! I thought it was so funny, because all my friends know that I have had my permit for months now and still haven't driven out of my driveway! She slept over last night. We got home around 8:30. I started to make dinner then Colleen came by for a bit. After she left I attempted to finish dinner, but needed some help from Lindsey. We ate, then had a fire in the backyard, and chilled out for a while inside...a while being until 4 am. It was a nice day, really. Very full and tiring, but wonderful.
Today I need to clean and do some work, unless Kurt calls and we go to Lake Compounce for the Haunted Graveyard. Right now I think I will go back to sleep. Lindsey's going to the mall again today with Rachel, and she's not looking forward to it. I don't blame her, I wouldn't want to shop with that girl either!
I may write more later, but for now, I sleep.

My life is crashing down all around me.

So I talked to Brian today, and he said that he has something to do all day the day of Homecoming, and that he wouldn't be able to get back in time. I am so sad over this! i don't know what I'm going to do now. I might go with Kurt, but I'm not sure. I really don't know what to write. It hurts....
My parents are upsetting me, again. They want to go camping this weekend and wanted me to go with them, but I have work and rehearsal, and they think its fair to everyone else if I drop all that to go somewhere I don't even want to go (which of course doesn't matter to them, even if they knew). So now I think I'm staying here for the weekend and leaving to go to Liz's for the rest of the weekend, since Shawn is in New York training for his new job, it'll be nice for her to not be alone, too. And, of course, mom and dad don't like that either because they want me to take care of the dog. They just don't understand. They're never home on the weekends anymore, and when they leave, they give me a list of things to do while they're off partying and having a good old time. How wonderful!
Tomorrow we have Berkshire League Rehearsal until 6. I love that choir, its so much fun, even if I don't like the music. Tomorrow is going to be crazy for me, I can tell already. I'm also going to talk to Brian tomorrow. I need to know whether it's possible for us to go out or not, so I can just get on with my life! Sometimes I really just hate myself, because I'm afraid to even ask him about this. I'm afraid that he doesn't like me because of my looks or whatever, even though I know Brian isn't like that. I feel this way towards all guys, of course. Some day, my prince will come. Until then, I can only dream about him.
"Oh, love is real enough; you will find it someday, but it has one archenemy -- and that is life."
~ Jean Anouilh Ardele ~

So Colleen talked to Brian for me, and he said that he's not sure if he can go to homecoming yet, but if he does, he's going to talk to me and we'll go together...AWESOME!. I wish I knew for sure, though, because I need to go shopping for a dress! The dance is in 2 weeks, and I have no idea what dress I'm going to get. I saw this amazing dress at the mall, and I wanted it so bad. I went to the website, and they don't make it in my size, which is really sad for me. I really want to get a dress that will take Brian's breath away. That is my ultimate goal. I just hope I can do it. Mom already said she's willing to get me an expensive dress if we go. I really want to dye my hair back to its original color before the dance, which means I need to find someone who know's something about that kind of thing. Me, I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to hair, make-up, fashion...WHERE'S LINDSEY? She would know about all this stuff..I'm just clueless.
I'm actually really excited about it. I really hope it all works out.
"The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time."
~ Abraham Lincoln ~

Tomorrow is mom's birthday, so as a gift, Shawn, Dad and I all chipped in for her to go on a hot air balloon ride today. unfortunately, the guy called and it didn't work today. Plus, mom figured it out, so I was sad about that. I really wanted her to take the ride today, that would have been really great.
I worked all day and got home before 4 so that we could be to the launch site on time. Now we're waiting for Shawn to come with cake, and I think we're going out to dinner later, too. I'm not sure. I feel so bad about this, but we're going to have her go another time.
There's really nothing else to talk about. I've been feverishly working on my voice. I really want to get the Regional Audition, so I want to be the best I can be. The piece is really challenging, but I know that with Mr.Atkins's help I can get it fine.
For my quote I'm stealing the one from Dave. I thought it was really great. The thing with it is the same thing happened to the Greeks Religion, and I have a feeling that's where Catholicism is headed.

Today started off really nicely. I had a great nights sleep last night. I fell asleep at 7:30, and slept all night. I had a vocabulary test in English which wasn't bad. We watched a movie in history. I was really bored in study hall so I drew some pictures and them put them in Kurts locker. He saw them after school and I was with him. The look on his face was priceless. I got my latin test back, 87! But then I got my pre-calc test, and that was a 71. I was really upset over that.
So I ended the day of school feeling rather upset, and that actually worked in my favor for the rehearsal that afternoon. We had our first women's choir rehearsal. We sang this gospel song, and I sang the solo part. I really like that solo, and I hope I can get it! We ended rehearsal early, and I asked to see the Regional audition piece. The piece is O Del Mio Dolce Ardor. It is an Italian Opera piece. It is so beautiful! I love it so much! There's one part that goes up to a high e (high, that is, for an alto). I told Mr.Atkins that I was worried I may not get it, so he told me to sing it. I did. I filled the room, and he said "wow...that was quite beautiful, actually! If you do that in your audition, you'll get in no problem!" That right there has gotten me so excited. I can't wait to audition. I think I might actually do well. The audition is the 14th of next month, I believe. I guess we'll have to wait and see.
Alain said to me today that he would like to introduce me to his friends, but none of them speak English as he does. I wish I could speak french. If only I had some way of taking a class to be able to learn. I think the best way to learn a language is to be forced to use it. If only I could go to France for a summer where I would have to know French... Oh well.
" Tout finit par des chansons." ~ Pierre Auguste caron de Beaumarchais
Everything ends with songs.