As the year 2005 approaches, it is neccessary that I look back on 2004. Wow, that year really sucked! I remember a ton of fights with my parents and brother, and being in the hospitol because of slitting my wrist once, too. I also remember how miserable and alone I was all year. I didn't have a single date the entire year. I guess it wasn't all bad. I've had some good times, too. I went to New York City twice over the year. Both times were amazing. And I went down to Pennsylvania twice, too. Once was with school, and once with family. Those were 2 awesome trips. I had a couple babysitting jobs, but to no avail. I have no money now, and I don't have a job, either. I was in a play, Midsummer's Night Dream, and worked a couple shows, too. I went to Washington D.C, which was so amazing! I had the time of my life there, even though it was the 'trip from hell.' Went to bandcamp over the summer, which I thought was aweful at the time because I didn't fit in, but then I realized that it was really an amazing adventure, and I can't wait until next year. I helped Shawn and Liz move in to their own apartment this year, and that was really cool. Even though their relationship has been on the rocks a couple times, I know I can always depend on them to be there. I got my driver's learners permit, and I still can't drive. Maybe next year.. I had a bad summer, and I barely did anything. So, naturally I was happy to get back to school. First, I had to go to band camp to prepare for this year's show. The marching band season this year was the most amazing it's ever been. We had an amazing show, and even traveled to do an exhibition at a competition. Now there's a memory that will last a lifetime! I worked really hard for the Regional Choir Auditions, and even though I got a 60 out of 115, I'm still happy with how I did. I thought it was terrible at the time, but then I found out I was only 9 points from making it, which made it somewhat better. I think next year will be my year. I went to Homecoming with Kurt this year, and that was amazing. I had such an awesome time, better than I thought! Let's not forget the let-down of the century when the Red Sox won the World Series, though. But, I'm still not cutting my hair for Jesse,,, I mean, hello, he's a Yankees fan! We had an amazing concert series this winter, and I think that my musical skills are really starting to go somewhere. My birthday this year was the best it's ever been, and I can't wait until next years. Christmas was great, too.
All in all, I can say that there have been some really aweful times, when I thought for sure I was going to kill myself, and then there were some really great times. I really can't believe that I'm going to be spending tonight alone. I hate that. I think of it as an omen of the year to come. I really don't want to have to ring in the New Year with tears pouring down my face. I just hope this year can be better than the last.
And, I know I've used this quote before, but it's really true for today.

I went to the doctors yesterday, and I have a sinus infection. It is so aweful! I can't breath, I sneeze, I've lost my voice, I can't do anything! Lindsey wanted me to come over the other night, but I was too sick. I can't remember a winter vacation when I wasn't sick, in fact. Not only is it that, but because of the medication I'm on, I can't take any migraine pills, so I'm stuck with that, as well.
I'm sorry, I realize I am just complaining now. But, I really am miserable. I've been held up in the house since last Friday. Plus, I really need to go down and apply for a job at the new place in town, but I can't go down while I'm sick.
There's some good news, though. I'm going to the mall with the parents tonight, and I'm going to beg them to bring Lindsey. If she can't go though, I might just go over there for the night or something. I really want to do something with her. We're both bored out of our minds, and have done absolutely nothing. I really want to do something for the sake of both our sanities.

What an amazing Christmas it was! My parents were almost too kind this year! They got me a Virgin Mobile cell phone, and a digital camera plus an extra memory card. I don't know how much they spent, but I can't believe they got me that much stuff. Today was really great. We had a nice ham dinner, with my apple pie for dessert. Shawn and Liz (and the baby) won't be here till tomorrow, because Liz had to work all day today.
I feel really sick lately. I woke yesterday with a terrible soar throat, and it's still not away today. I keep choking on absolutely nothing. I hate it. I woke up at 5am this morning because of it. I hope I can get more sleep tonight.
Speaking of sleep, I'm going to bed. I am too tired to stay long. I can't wait to start taking pictures tomorrow!

So, its Christmas morning, 7:00, and I'm awake. I've been awake for 2 hours now. I've got an aweful sore throat, and I don't know why. I woke up with it yesterday.
Ok, so my birthday this year was the best its ever been! We had 2 great concerts, I nailed my small, but significant solo, and all the songs came out great! I stayed after for a while to help clean up the stage, and then Josh brought me up to Lindsey's. She just had her tonsils taken out last week, and she's not feeling too well yet. She still can't eat solid food. I brought her the gift I got for her and some cookies which I hope she was able to eat. Then Josh took me home, and he gave me a great present (but I can't say what it was). At 3, Colleen came by and we went out to dinner at Applebees with Mimi and Jamie. Our waiter was so great, and really hot! When he found out it was my birthday, of course I got a free dessert, and some waiters/waittresses came over and sang. The waiter did this funny dance. I had such a great time. After that, I just went home and relaxed. It had been such a long, but great day!! The only way I could have had a better Birthday would have been if I were in France!
Kurt got me the best gift! He got me a calender with all black and white photos from Paris. It's so beautiful, I love it. And, everything written in it is written in English and French, so I can pick up some vocabulary, too. He also got me a little book about duct tape. Anna got me a photo album, which I really need, and I LOVE, and some vanilla chai tea mix. Yummmm! Emily bought me the nicest pair of earings, which looked great with my new shirt. She also gave me a sticker that says "Well, La-De F#@!CKIN' Da!" which is so funny! Sarah gave me a pair of gloves, something I desperately needed, and the other Sarah (Martin) made a great CD to cheer me up whenever I am low. In all, it was the greatest birthday, and I love all of my friends so much!
So now that I'm a little less awake, I'm going to try and go back to sleep. The sun is coming up, though. I wonder when my parents will get up..
Have a Merry Christmas, everyone!!

I'M 17, AS OF 3 MINUTES AGO!

Still up wrapping gifts and finishing homework. But, I'm 17. It's a great feeling!!!

"When we are born we cry that we are come.. to this great stage of fools."

~ William Shakespeare ~

As I get closer to my Birthday, I'm actually getting excited. My friends actually remembered this year, and I think it'll be better than last year. A friend of mine reasured me that it would be. I just wish he could be here with me. That is the one thing I would really love to have for my birthday, but I guess it really isn't a small world afterall.

This weekend was complete hell! I agreed to do the lights for Michelle Micca's dance performances, which I don't mind doing because I loved it, but it left me so exhausted! On Sunday, as we were getting ready to leave, Mrs.Micca got a call. Lydia, her youger daughter, was in a car accident. So I went with her to the hospital, instead of her having to bring me home the next town over. I heard that Lydia's OK, she just got some road burn and minor injuries. I feel so bad for her and her family.
So last night I was having a real hard time sleeping. Somewhere around 3 I woke up, and my nasal cavities were all swollen. It hurt soo bad. I woke up at 5 again, took some nasal decongestant, and went back to bed. When it was time to get up at 6, I felt even worse. My whole body aches, and I've been sweating, having chills, soar throat, the whole bit. I stayed home from school today, which helped. I slept till about noon. I still feel like such crap, though. I'm worried I might have the flu, since it came on all of a sudden, not gradually like a cold does. I think I'm going to go see the doctor in the morning, then either stay home again or go to school late.
Lindsey got her tonsils out this morning. I was supposed to go see her this afternoon, but obviously, I couldn't. She called me around 3:30, which really surprised me! I was going to call her, but I didn't think she'd be able to talk after that. She said she'd call me back, but I knew she wouldn't. She's probably all passed out now. I hope she's able to just sleep for a while. If I go to school tomorrow, I'll go see her in the afternoon. If not, I don't think I'll be able to see her. Maybe I'll call her tomorrow, though. At least we'll have someone to talk to, even though she can't talk very well right now.
So, my birthday is in just over a week. I'm actually excited. I rarely ever have a good birthday, but this year I'm optimistic. It should turn out to be fun. I'll just have to wait and see.

Thursday's concert was bitter-sweet. We sang and played all the songs so great! A lot of people said it was one of our best concerts. We pretty much filled the auditorium. But, the only person there, for me, was mom. Dad still refuses to go. That really pisses me off. And, I had a 5-word solo, and my voice cracked. How depressing! I shouldn't dwell, but, as always, I will. The women's choir did really well, too. I've heard a lot of great comments about us. I hope more people join for the rest of the year.
Thursday brought to me a precalc test. That was aweful. I had NO IDEA what I was doing. Thankfully, Nhu explained a lot to me, which really helped me out. I guess most people in the class didn't do very well, so that makes me feel a little better. I tried to drop the class, but Mrs.Barber (my guidance counselor) wouldn't let me. I think it's completely ridiculous that if I drop the class now, it gets marked as a withdrawl failure, and I get a 0 for the year. I already know I'm going to fail it, and I swear a 0 would be better than all the stress from it now. I hate that class. I leave it almost every day either crying, screaming, or hating myself to the point of wanting to die! No class should make anyone feel like that.
It looks as though Shawn and Liz are going to get a divorce. I don't know what to tihnk about that. I wish they could work it out, because I hate to see Shawn go through that, and for Bethany to be in the middle. But all the same, Liz is being a complete bitch, and she doesn't deserve all that Shawn's done for her.
This weekend is nice. Last night we went to the chinese buffet, went shopping, then played some pool here. I slept late this morning, and we got the Christmas tree in the afternoon. I've been reading my book all day, and I love it so much. I can't put it down. It's Dan Brown's "Angels & Demons" which is the prequil to "The Da Vinci Code" which I read over the summer. I can't tell which is better yet, because they've both completely blown me away! If you haven't read it, I highly reccomend it!
Mom and dad are at the bar, again. I've got to clean the kitchen while they're gone.. Oh well. It is kind of nice to have the house to myself, but I really don't like it. What I really need is to find a job. The only catch is it has to be under the table, for various reasons. I'm sick of babysitting. For one, there's no money, no work, and I don't want to see another little kid for the rest of my teen years that isn't named Bethany! So, if anyone knows of anything in the area, PLEASE TELL ME! I'M DESPERATE FOR MONEY!!!!!
Ok, I must go. I think perhaps I will go relax in the hot tub for a while after I clean. That'll be nice. I'd take a bath, but the tub's neither clean, nor big enough.