Good...But not good enough.
I missed Regions choir by one point. One. I'm so depressed. Sure, I could do what Atkins wants and feel proud of improving and being good enough to miss by only one point, but I can't. The story of my life,, good, but not good enough. God, it just hurts so much. It's what I'll have to put up with the rest of my life. College will probably be the same thing. "We're sorry. You're a good student, but not good enough for our school."
Fuck it all. Why do I care? Why do I bother trying to be good at something when I know it will ALWAYS turn out this way?? I shouldn't even bother. I'll probably end up like my mother, living with a lifetime of regrets and letdowns. It's not worth it. None of it is worth it. It's not worth feeling this much pain towards something I love so much. It makes me not want to love anything,, just hate EVERYTHING.

Mom had her biopsy today. We'll know by Monday if she has cancer or not. I really hope she doesn't. I'm so worried about her.

I'm getting my hair cut tonight. It's a big deal for me, I think. It signifies a big change in my life. A maturing, maybe. It's my last game, before Thanksgiving, tomorrow, and I just wanted to make it extra special somehow. I know it will be, based on last night's rehearsal. The rehearsal was absolutely amazing, the best I've seen yet. They got me so into Chameleon! And all the music, the marching, is the best it's ever been at Gilbert. We're gonna rock the house on Saturday.

Saturday was one of the busiest and best days of my life! I had SAT's in the morning, which really sucked. I really just hope I did better than last year, because I'm a little worried. I closed the book and said, "Congradulations, you may not be going to college now!"
After the test, Tanya, Kyle and I went out for lunch at Friendly's. We ate so much food! We got the loaded waffle fries, a collosal burger, and then the fudge brownie sundae. It was so amazing! Our total was like $43. Thats more than what either of our familys spend on a dinner! But it was worth it. I mean, we had the worst test, and then we had to go to band for the rest of the night. We were late for rehearsal, though, by 15 minutes, which kind of sucked. But Mr. Minnerly knew we would be, and I don't think he really cared. In fact, I doubt he'll even remember after the night at competition we had!

So everyone knows how I felt after our first competition. Now, hear what happened after this one!
I couldn't have been happier than I was last night. The band sounded amazing, looked awesome, and just all out rocked!! Even the judge was rockin out during Chameleon,, now that's HOTT! I felt really good about what I was doing, and how everyone else was. We ended up getting second place with a score of 80.29, and BEST PERCUSSION!! I was so psyched for that!!
When I got on the bus, I yelled out "Hey GILBERT!!" and lifted up the trophey. Everyone just exploded! We had to be the loudest group there. It was so amazing! We were screeming and cheering half the way home. I was in such a good mood! The best I can ever remember being in! I'm so proud of the band, and I'm so glad I had this opportunity to show our band off one last time before I graduate. It was so amazing. Mr. Minnerly was so proud of all of us (minus Toodles who stole a traffic cone ). I can't even begin to describe how amazing this season has been. It's just too spectacular!
I LOVE BAND!

"To the band, Thanks for making my senior year the best time of my life. I love you all. Love, Crystal." ~Me 11.05.05